Submitted Date 11/27/2023

The days bleed into the nights and the night into the days.

I'm so exhausted, I just want to sleep but when I'm awake I'm scared of what I'll see when I fall asleep. I might even be scared of what (or who) I might not see.

My soul feels drained. Like I'm living more than one life. All these different lives being lived all at the same......

STOP! I sound, I sound.... tired, I'm just so........................

The sun is so bright! Why are the blinds open so ......wait when did I?

"Mom, can I go with my friends to the field? Please the waters are low today, please?"

"Umm, what?"

When the hell did, I come outside?

"Mom, are you awake?"

"MOM!" .........

The second "Mom" startled me awake. When did I fall asleep?

Was I just outside?

"Mom, what's for dinner?"

My son was looking at me confused.

"Mom, are you okay?"

"Yeah honey, um did you just ask me about going to the field?"

"What field Mommy? I'm getting hungry, is dinner done yet?"

"No, not yet. It should be done soon."

"What's for dinner?"

"Umm, food, now go play. I'll call you guys once it's done."

I grabbed him and gave him a hug and then sent him to go play.

What the hell was that, was I just outside? he said something about "the waters" what the fuck is the waters. I really need to get some sleep. Just get through dinner and everything will be fine.

I need to go check on dinner, it's getting late.


The kids all ate dinner, everyone was in their rooms, now maybe I could get some work done.

Being a writer can be just as draining as life itself. The one major plus, I get to escape from my crazy life for a little while. Before I could get settled at my desk to write I heard a sound outside the window.

"What the hell was that!"

It sounded like someone threw something at the side of the house.

Well, I won't be going outside to find out tonight. That's how all those horror/ murder movies start. I'll check in the morning, when it's daytime, and other people are around. Probably just an animal anyway.

It's so quiet. Usually, when I'm alone my thoughts are so loud, I can hear them all at once. Other noises clog my mind as well but, well I'll continue to keep that to myself, just another reason for people to think I'm bat shit crazy.

Tonight, something is different, my thoughts are quiet (so are "they").

As I closed my eyes to embrace this newfound peace.

I heard it, loud and clear.

The owl is back.

My heart starts racing, my face starts getting hot.

I think I'm having a panic attack.

I grabbed my medicine bag and grabbed a small orange prescription bottle with the word propranolol written on it. My hands are starting to shake, so it takes me a minute to get the bottle open. As soon as I open it, I immediately take one.

My husband is still out with some friends, so I'm alone. He's always good at helping me calm down, sometimes I don't even need the meds.

Sometimes they happen so quickly that I have no time to even take anything.

Sitting in front of the fan I close my eyes and lay on the bed.

Breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth.

I repeat over and over to myself.

You're going to be okay.......................and I was.


Regina M Basile


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