Submitted Date 09/01/2019

Some people think that social status or "clout" only exists in cities overpopulated with Instagram models and high society celebrities. Unfortunately, no matter where you go, there will always be people who pull the blinds down on their true personality in order to appeal to others. I've lived in cities and small towns, but through each experience, I realized that the best way to attract the right people in your life is through authenticity.

The way I see it, living authentically means entering any social situation with your guard down. It means to forget about what you look like in comparison to those who are wearing trendy outfits and acting coy for attention. It means meeting people with an open mind so that they can feel comfortable around your presence. It means being yourself even if you come off strange to admired members of the social circle you're interacting with. Don't let people intimidate you. The most intimidating trait is confidence in your true self.

While it may seem like the cookie-cutter trendy persona can gain many people their popularity, it is most often fleeting and hollow. The positive attention from others that comes with high social status, is accompanied by competition. Current styles are constantly fading and being replaced–– which is something that is hard to keep up with. Just as these styles come and go, so will the attention towards certain individuals. If you revolve your personality around these current attractions, your self-worth will constantly recycle with them.

This is not to say that you can't follow trends, but rather to suggest that you engage in trends only if you genuinely want to. If you want to stand out and attract the right people into your life, you need to stay true to yourself. If you like something based on your own will, express your interest in it. Don't waste your life trying to be admired, because the most admirable thing is authenticity.

Being your authentic self, no matter how goofy, stylish, or out-of-place will make you the most attractive in the long run. Letting go of ego, status, and competition will give you the unique ability to draw people in. Not everyone will like you for your authentic self, but that's okay (they might still be stuck in their own trend-based ego). Portraying your genuine personality to others will break down the walls of their personalities, making them feel like you are someone they can feel comfortable around. This sort of social comfort is attractive, especially in a world full of "clout-chasers" who often find it hard to be themselves. Living authentically will not only provide you with confidence, but it will inspire others to be confident in themselves.

As cheesy as it sounds, think of it as being a cupcake in a cookie-cutter world– a rare commodity! Once you lift yourself of the burden of fitting in, you will realize how overrated it is and how much positivity it will bring towards your life.


If you would like to see more stories like this, check out my WriteSpike profile and be sure to comment your thoughts below. Also, follow me on Twitter (@emilyokonsky) for updates on new articles and writing projects. Thanks for reading!

Replace intimidation with curiosity. Be your authentic self with everyone you meet, so you make authentic connections.


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  • Ashley Aker 3 years, 1 month ago

    Social media hinders growth in a lot of ways. I think it also relates to who you are "following" The people we surround ourselves with ultimately rub off on us. I think you focus on an issue that's prevalent to many. Finding a way to be you confidently, is hard. Most of the time people find that when they are unapologetically themselves they are better received by those around them.

  • Rick Doble 3 years ago

    The most intimidating trait is confidence in your true self.
    Wonderful observation -- it is so simple and so hard to achieve. Also, the point is to be yourself and NOT compare yourself to others but that will cause others to envy you.

  • Michelle Hurst 7 months, 1 week ago

    Authenticity feels so hard at first, but then you realize that fitting in was way more effort! Great points.

  • Jackie Hemingway 3 weeks ago

    What a wonderfully refreshing piece Emily! In a world of trying to fit in, more sage advice. It can be extremely difficult for those who feel they do not fit in to truly be themselves. I have known the agony of trying to fit in back in my youth. Creating this false narrative of being something or someone I was not, all to be more appealing to others. It is mentally exhausting! Being our true self, regardless of what others think or feel about us is actually quite liberating. If I’m the oddest person in the room, hey, I’m perfectly fine with my originality. Now, I refuse to be anything but the true self, it lends to much more happiness and fulfillment.