CHAPTER 2

In a closed society where everybody's guilty, the only crime is getting caught. In a world of thieves, the only final sin is stupidity.  - Hunter S. Thompson

 “There are only two possibilities – you lied then or you are lying now. Whoever set that fire wanted us all dead.”

“Jo, I never wanted to hurt anyone. I really did not. But, my worst regret has always been leaving you all alone.”

 “Just tell me the truth. I can handle it.”

“What is with the notepad?”

“I am a writer.”

“You want to write about this?”

“Yes.”

“Jo…”

“I want to write my family’s story.”

“I just don’t think you understand –“

“Listen, you owe me this. You owe me this.” Now, I feel the same level of comfort in expressing myself with him as he seems to have with me. I have been in the room with him for 2 minutes but I am not holding back.

“Ok, but-“

“You owe me this. No bullshit. For once in my life I deserve NO Bullshit… Right?”

He hangs his head.

“Right?”

“Right,” he replies like the air is being let out of him.

I wonder: Can he do this?

I say: “You know. If I can do this, you can do this.”

“Right.” This time he nods. “You know you are the only reason that there ever was a trial. I would have been glad to have just taken the death penalty and been done with the whole thing. People said I ought to just die to give you some peace, but I felt like I had to do just the opposite…” His voice trails and he stares off. “Can I ask you something? Why now?”

 “When I turned 18, I started devising plans to come up here. At the time, my mom – Alice – well, she told me I would be barking up a tree that might just be too painful. I knew then that it was just going to be too painful for her.”

I pause thinking of my adoptive mother, Alice. She was my greatest supporter. The only person from whom I had ever felt unconditional love. I felt so safe with her from the moment that she took me in that I knew I would be OK. I knew she would take care of me. Of course, the finances were a big help but – in general – she had my back. She had me covered.

“So, seeing as how she had done so much for me, I waited. But, 15 years later, I finally made it happen. She has Alzheimer’s now so…”

“Now you came to meet me?”

“Now I came to write my family’s story.”

“But, why?”  He is now feeling uncomfortable. I have said something that has surprised him. I can tell because he won’t look at me.

“Because I am the only one who can,”

I can see that plainly on his lopsided face. “So, do you hate me?”

“No,”

He expected me to be different somehow; I can see that now. “I am not sure how that is even poss- “

“It’s possible because I don’t believe the stories. I don’t believe what was said at that trial. I think you made up every word of it.”

“Every word of what?” He is guarded. I respect that.

“Your confession.”