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OPEN WOUNDS
Private Notes
Private Notes
Notes
Sailing on a wave of doubt,
the dark clouds hovering,
I want to shout-
at the chains of lingering ghosts from the past,
who knows how the die is cast,
paddling aimlessly into the fog,
seem to always be hitting a bog,
the tears flow freely like a gushing open wound,
the ocean roars to a stormy tune,
A scalded moon glows,
as the sharks circle round,
the laughter of loons,
please don't let me drown,
a glimmer of hope hangs in the air,
taking a chance, what more could I fear?
Ambition and desire will help me to rise,
I cast a glance to the open sky,
the storm has passed, a peek of orange shines through,
A rainbow manifests, as the waves become anew,
calmly now, the journey is clear,
the wounds will close slowly,
never mind yesteryear,
be mindful of who's taking space in your head,
when the storms whirl about,
conjuring, foreboding and dread,
dismiss all the ghosts, the loons and the louts,
for you were a victim, you can stand proud,
the wounds will heal slowly, your resilience is spellbound.
Comments
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Sailing on a wave of doubt, the dark clouds hovering, I want to shout- at the chains of lingering ghosts from the past,
I can relate. I love how it was easy to understand where you were getting at, but still creatively clever written in symbolic nature. -
when the storms whirl about, conjuring, foreboding and dread, dismiss all the ghosts, the loons and the louts, for you were a victim, you can stand proud, the wounds will heal slowly, your resilience is spellbound.
This was so empowering, what a great way to end a poem. You constructed this story so well from beginning, middle, and end with conflict with much thought, and ended with an empowering resolve in solution.-
Thank you so much, that means a lot to me!
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This is a beautiful poem! My only suggestions would be to maybe break it into stanzas and to keep up a pattern of rhyming throughout. Since your lines at the beginning rhymed mostly in couples, it would be nice to see that same pattern throughout the poem. I think it's best to either rhyme all the way or to not do so at all. This is not to disparage your work though, as your writing is lovely and imaginative.
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Really lovely poem!
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Beautiful piece! Thanks for sharing!
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Great poem and great rhymes! Thanks for sharing!
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Great poem, Alisa.
Thank you David, I appreciate your feedback!