THE OUTWARDLY UNEMOTIONAL WOMAN

My 25th birthday is coming up this weekend, which is a big milestone, and it has me thinking about a conversation I recently had with a guy at a bar about zodiac signs. I remember saying, “I’m a Pisces, but I don’t fit the normal Pisces mold, because I’m not super emotional.” I feel as though I embody this sort of detached persona rather often, and yet it’s not necessarily how I feel if I’m looking within and being honest with myself.

This conversation sparked me to dig further into my emotional personality. I see so many women around me and most of them are nothing like me. I’m someone who keeps it very much together. I don’t wear my heart on my sleeve by any means. And I’m not super emotional-that wasn’t a lie. But that doesn’t mean I am void of all emotion. In fact, I have a lot of them! I just can’t-or don’t choose to-outwardly display them. Women like me operate differently. We require a different instruction manual, if you will. I can’t speak for anyone else, but here’s what mine looks like.

1. My Lack Of Affection Doesn’t Mean I Don’t Care

I’m not the most affectionate person. I’m not lovey dovey all the time. Overt affection makes me slightly uncomfortable, to be honest. I won’t spend my time gushing over how much I like a guy or reassure my friends every second with emotional remarks about how I love them. I just don’t express myself in that way.

But this doesn’t take away from the fact that I do care deeply about others in my life. Instead of with physical gestures or verbal platitudes, I connect with others through my loyalty and support. All my true friends know that I am there for them at any second of the day, no matter what. I’m the one they can talk to for real, no bullshit advice. I’m the friend that sticks around. That’s how I show I care. I value these forms of care more than constant physical affection. My closest friends may see my affectionate side reveal itself on occasion, but I don’t give out affection as freely as most. I don’t think that makes me cold. I just choose wisely.

2. Tears And Feelings Are Not The Same

A lot of my friends assume that, because I don’t cry a lot, I’m rock solid and have no feelings. This is the farthest thing from true. In fact, certain things can make me cry very easily, particularly when I’m alone. My feelings get hurt, too. I may not be as sensitive as most women, and I may have tough skin, but that doesn’t mean I’m invincible. Even the strongest person needs emotional support on occasion. And even the most independent woman has her moments of weakness and sheds her fair share of tears.

Outwardly unemotional women like me are human just like everyone else. We feel pain, we get insecure, we don’t like when our feelings are disregarded. I think many people forget this fact and feel they can load more on us without any consideration, because we aren’t sensitive and our feelings won’t get hurt, but that’s false. We may be strong, but we shouldn’t have to carry a bigger burden because of it. Everyone deserves kindness, even the women who seem more emotionally capable of handling the harshness of the world.

3. Strong Women Need Love Too

When it comes to relationships, I don’t require the same constant reassurance that many women do. I am confident in myself, and if I’m going to date someone, I will be confident in my relationship with that person. However, there’s a difference between constant reassurance and matched effort or appropriate affection. I still appreciate a loving, nurturing, supportive relationship just like anyone else. I’m not sensitive or insecure with my feelings, but I still want love that feels fulfilling. Just because I won’t outwardly plead for that type of love doesn’t mean I don’t desire it.

In the past, I’ve noticed that when I’m in relationships is when I’ve learned to let go most and become a little more emotional. I love hard, I care deeply about others, but I am private with my feelings. If I choose to be emotional with you, that means you are truly special to me.

So, there you have it. A guide to the outwardly unemotional woman. A guide to me. If you take a closer look, you’ll see that I’m not cold, I do have feelings, I do care, and I do need love and support just like anyone else. I wasn’t lying when I told that guy at the bar that I don’t fit the Pisces mold-I’m not “super emotional,” but I’d still like to think I’m a good friend, potential partner, and person. I hope others can peel back the layers of my personality, see past some of the walls I have up, and realize what I have to offer this world.