FINDING SLEEP

I stood there and stared at my pale sad face in the mirror. I pulled at the corners of my eyes. Maybe if I’d stared long enough the expression on that girls face would have changed. Maybe If I’d stared long enough the sorrow would have melted into strength. The fine wrinkles creasing her brow might have smoothed, the circles under her eyes might have faded, and the clouds in those eyes may have lifted. I couldn’t. I couldn’t look at that girl any more, the reflection of someone I thought was stronger than she appeared. So I walked away slowly, achingly, and now I sit. I sit and I stare at this blue pill spinning it between my fingers, watching the light play across its surface and shine through it like the light I hoped would suddenly shine through me. It’s sad I think that I feel the need to take this pill, but if I do I won’t dream. It’ll be my reprieve from the thoughts racing through my mind, tumbling, colliding, dancing, and spinning off in their own direction. I think placing the small capsule of grace between my lips… that sleep shouldn’t be so hard a thing.