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HOW DO I OVERCOME MY SITUATION AND STRUGGLES?
You overcome by
Learning from every fall
Choosing to get up every day
changing your perspective,
changing negative to positive
reprogramming your subconscious
saying no I won't quit
"But most importantly
get to know you".
Life is full of ups and downs, that's the first thing I had to understand. After my last Suicidal attempt, I had a strange experience in the in-between, to me, it was a dream. I remember a woman dressed in an old nurse's uniform standing by my hospital bed with tears running down her eyes, she spoke to me and said, "why do you want to kill yourself when there are so many kids dying in hospitals" and walked away. I was shocked a few minutes later, the doctor came into my room and told me I was going to be admitted to another hospital for some time. Likewise, I had nothing to answer, I just said, okay. That was the longest I had ever been hospitalized for a suicide attempt. I remember the reason for my attempt. I was struggling to get a stable home while I waited to be admitted to an out-of-state school that I had applied to previously. And I was having terrible luck. I was moving from house to house with different people claiming that they wanted to help but in every house, I always encountered different dangers. For example, a disgusting old man with a wife and kids and perverted intentions or a single disgusting old man that uses food to manipulate the situation and those that like to take your money but limit your freedom cheating you out of the privacy you are paying for (you pay the price of the room, but that's not your room). I forgot to mention when all this was happening I was holding a job at a fast food restaurant making minimum wage and was very proud of it. When all of this was happening, I was in contact with one of the best people I have ever met, and I doubt I will ever meet someone like her. She was my admission's counselor for my out-of-state school. If it wasn't for her help after getting out of the hospital, I probably wouldn't be here. I guess she saw something in me that I couldn't see at that time, but I know I had it in me because I would've never ridden my bike those miles to her office to reapply for school to change my life unless I wanted that change. I conclude you're always going to have problems/obstacles in many areas of your life, but you will always have a choice between giving up or getting up and ready for another day. Not only that, but I didn't do this on my own. Furthermore, I did go to therapy and I encourage you to do the same.
I dedicate this poem to that one person that changed my life. By giving me an opportunity that no one else did.
I remember how much I cried,
I remember thinking I want to be dead,
I remember feeling heavy like a rock,
I remember being stuck in that bed,
I remember thinking I cannot see myself getting back together again,
I remember thinking I want to be with you gram,
I remember saying, don't tell me you know how it feels,
I remember my last try,
I also remember no one was there except one,
I do remember an angel with no wings,
just a simple human landing a hand.
If it wasn't for her, I wouldn't be here.
Miss Brown wherever you are, thank you.
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