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I don't care
I don't care about anything
But then I do.
I hate the feeling of feeling
I want to be numb
And I almost get there
But then I don't.
Anti-Depressants made me a walking zombie
And that's not what I wanted
But now I can feel everything again
So maybe that is what I wanted.
I want to feel something
But I don't want to feel it all.
Sometimes it's blocked off well
Other days I can feel the pieces of my heart
Scattering inside my chest
I hate those days.
I want to give up those days.
But I don't.
I just dig deeper.
I feel it more, I let it consume me
And I realize that I am feeling
I am breathing
I am living.
What a weird feeling it is
To hurt so bad that that's all you can do
Is be glad you're breathing.
A wise television actress once said
"When it hurts so bad you can't breathe,
That's when you know you're still alive"
And now I know what that means.
Sharpen my shovel and dig into my feelings
Some of them I build another pile with
Some of them I throw away.
But the further I dig
The closer I get.
The closer I get to the bottom
When I can start over.
And wait for the day
When it doesn't hurt to breathe.
Stay strong loves, Sharpen your shovels.
We'll get through it together. <3
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