MY FICKLENESS WITH FRIENDSHIPS

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Submitted Date 11/29/2018
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All my life, I’ve had a hard time with friendships. It’s never been noticeable from the outside looking in, because I’ve always had many friends. But within, I’ve struggled to feel fulfilled by the people I surround myself with. Constantly, throughout every stage of my life, I’ve wondered, “Is this MY tribe?” “Am I supporting my friends enough?” “Are these friendships helping me become my best self?” and, “Am I truly happy?”

Friendships are hard. Just like relationships, friendships require an indecipherable balance between similarities and differences in two people. Opposites attract, so they say, but we are also drawn to people that share our interests and opinions. So how do we find solid, genuine, and supportive friendships? It’s not always easy. Especially when our ideas and attitudes can be so varied.

I’ve always seemed to attract friends that are unlike me in most ways. In the past, I’ve become frustrated by this. I couldn’t seem to understand why my friends didn’t share my views on things. I wondered why I didn’t have more friends who thought the way I do. But the truth is, we are attracted to each relationship in our life for a specific reason. Each person brings out a different aspect of our inner self. It’s important to understand that we can have many kinds of friendships that each provide us with a different and fulfilling quality. Some friends may be more intuitive, while others are more social and outgoing. Here’s how I’ve learned to find peace with the process of finding new friends while continuing to value the friends I already have.

1. Appreciate The Differences

I have numerous friendships in which many of our personality traits are very different. However, these are the friendships that bring out the fun and carefree side of myself. I’ve learned to appreciate the differences I find in my friends, as opposed to getting frustrated that not everyone is just like me. We don’t have to share similar opinions on everything to enjoy each other’s company. If all my friends thought the same way I did, I would have no one to talk through things with. I wouldn’t have nearly as much fun, as much laughter, as much controversy in my life. Diversity in my friend group keep things interesting, and that’s the positive mindset I’ve learned to adopt.

2. Search For Similarities

I’ve also learned over time that if I ever want to feel fulfilled, I’m going to have to go out and actively search for friends who share similar interests with me. I enjoy my current friends. I have fun with my current friends. But it is also nice to have friends that I can sit down with and share the same opinions and ideas with. It’s nice to be able to discuss deeper things and know that the other person will understand where I’m coming from. Whether it’s books, politics, or any of my other interests that aren’t necessarily “fun,” I’ve discovered that simply having a variety of friends who are both similar and dissimilar can help fill that hole I once felt. I never needed to abandon any friendships because I felt unfulfilled, I simply needed to add more friends to my circle!

3. Actively Support Everyone

The most important thing when looking for friends (and keeping the friends you currently have) is to be a good friend in return. I still get frustrated with my friends at times, and I’m positive they get frustrated with me! But I’ve grown as a person, and I’ve learned to be more kind and supportive. We get what we give. Give love. Give your best. Help each friend in every way possible. This is how to develop the strongest friendships possible. Nothing is more rewarding than truly caring for another individual and feeling that same care in return.

It’s okay to be fickle when choosing friendships. But it’s also okay to realize that sometimes, we won’t always feel completely fulfilled by one specific friendship. Different friends can provide us with different things, and we can contribute different things to those people as well. It’s the amalgamation of all our relationships that make us who we are and make our lives worth living each day. See the bigger picture and appreciate each piece and each person that contributes to the whole. That’s how I’ve learned to find peace and fulfillment. That’s how you’ll learn do the same.

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