Submitted Date 06/11/2019

I've always had dreams of a healthy marriage. I haven't had many friends showing me the right way, but I do have my own recent marriage as a basis for understanding what it's like to have a real, long-lasting relationship that just fills my heart. It hasn't always been easy. But here is what we've learned.

1. Mr. Right, you better be ready. I think it's always a mistake to assume a man is ready. He must really display it in his character. You'll hear him say stuff about the future. You'll see him prepare for a life of two instead of just one. You'll see him get serious about himself- tying up loose ends financially, with his living situation, and his career. I can't see a more sure-fire sign of knowing when a couple is ready than by looking at a man's character. He doesn't have to be perfect, but he has to know where the two of you are going. If he's got questions with his identity, he's not ready. Girls, just wait.

2. Does he light your fire? I can't think of what makes girls as insanely happy as does a man who really knows how to get her excited about life, herself, and their whole life situation. Girls just need someone who really knows them and wants to adventure with them. The right man should help you relieve your stress, not create new stressors. You need to be able to relax around him and let him see you at your worst and best. If he can handle you when you're happy, he should also be able to handle you when you're sad/anxious/mad. Ladies, your fire can go two ways- you can be lit with excitement for him or you can be a protective mama bear, ravenously guarding your emotions. Pick your partner carefully. Pick one that can confront both types of fire with awe and respect.

3. Got turmoil? If you start to notice that your partner sees every little thing as a threat and keeps arguing with you, I think that's when you know it's time to keep a close eye on them. If they make you feel weak or anxious, I think you should take it easy and wait until you have an answer whether or not you think this is right. A good man/woman isn't hard to come by. Mr. or Mrs. Right will come around. Don't assume everybody is the cream of the crop. Good things come to those who wait! And are discerning in who they pick as their partner.

4. Find someone who loves what you love. When you can love the same things, like cooking or gardening, that's a pathway where you guys can grow and bond with each other. Finding common interests can seem easy in the dating world but when it really comes down to it, do you want to hang around a person who drinks when you don't drink? Who binge watches movies when you don't necessarily like to sit and watch TV? Not saying you guys have to be the same exact person, but it's necessary to find the traits you like in an individual and avoid risking your happiness with someone who lives an opposite lifestyle. You never have to pretend to be happy when you find someone who truly makes you happy.

5. Careful who you let into your space. Don't let someone touch you (really touch you) when you don't know them. When you get intimate too soon, you can be risking falling in love with the wrong person, because you get filled with all these emotions and junk. And if you're partner can't handle not getting a booty touch, then should they really be seeing you? Save the good stuff for when you can truly handle it. Be careful with your heart! You only have one, and it's best you try to take care of it. Not everyone deserves access to you. And I know saving yourself for marriage is not popular nowadays, but loving your spouse will be best when you know the sex isn't all they married you for. Love is a deep well that can be drunk from for the rest of your life. It's an amazing blessing. And I hope you find it!


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  • Ceara 4 years, 11 months ago

    So sweet and great things to keep in mind. Thanks for sharing!

  • Rick Doble 4 years, 11 months ago

    To me the real test is how you feel about yourself when you are around them -- not how you feel about them, but how your relationship makes you feel. That's the acid test.

  • No name 4 years, 11 months ago

    Great advice!

  • Carrie Lowrance 4 years, 9 months ago

    Excellent post and advice Nikki, I loved it.