DISSOCIATION

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Submitted Date 02/17/2020
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Dissociation of the self when among others is a feat as much as it is an accomplishment.

As rewarding as it is to feel as one of the crowd, it is equally as relaxing to feel as an entirely separate entity.

It is not a conscious separation, not a constant withdrawal.

It is moreso a safe place, a permanent residence within one's own head that can play as large a part as you consciously want it to.

Now this is not to be confused with a mental disorder or to make light of a truly debilitating and diagnosable state that many people suffer.

This is more of a temporary experience, an alternative reality that exists as much within one's head as it does outside of it.

It is complete with undulating jazzy undertones, pulsating neon lights, and a whistling breeze that playfully whips at your hair when you zone out.

It takes over your senses when you most need it and allows for you to focus your attention on your moods, emotions, and deepest thoughts while protecting you from the rest of the world.

While everyone else moves around as bugs and follows a methodical clock along a pathway with no end, it allows you to observe them from a distance while still being part of them.

Almost visualized as an alien among a crowd of average folk.

 

I sit and write this from a bench at the far corner of a park. In front of me about 300 feet away,

Are families, children, and dogs playing on the playground equipment.

Every so often a couple or elder walks by on the path,

Nodding their head solemnly to be polite

Or looking ahead as if to avoid it.

I offer whatever they give me,

A smile, a hello, or silence.

To them it may be an inconsequential interaction,

Perhaps it means more to them than to me

Or most likely the other way around.

Either way this is one of my most favorite locations to "dissociate."

Its not true dissociation no doubt,

But it allows me to be me without really affecting others

But still technically socializing.

 

It is also this state that I fall asleep and wake up in.

I listen to the same music every night and wake up to it.

It puts me into a completely relaxed state where I can zone out, be me, without judgment.

It transports me to another time, another place, and makes it so I'm not really me.

I'm not really offering anything to the world in those moments,

I'm able to just exist without really existing.

Its a phenomenon you do not see or hear much about.

Dissociating in the healthiest way,

Becoming invisible in a totally visible state,

Soaking up the world from afar without being judged.

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