Submitted Date 02/25/2019

Sometimes, I sit and think about what dating was like without technology. I've never really lived in that world, but I just like to fantasize about it. No cell phones, no dating apps, no social media. What a dream. I know most people are probably not thinking of this as a dream, but for me and speaking strictly in regards to dating, is really is one.

See, I'm not one for dating apps and making my first contact with someone via text. It's actually embarrassing how uncomfortable I am with the idea of meeting anyone on any kind of app. Pretty much everything about it is just against my core being and nothing is going to change my mind about it. I know, intense.

And it's not that I don't think it's possible to meet someone you have a real connection with on an app (I was just maid of honor for my friend who met her husband on Tinder), but I just don't want to meet anyone that way.

I want the romance of meeting someone. I want to be out and somehow, by fate, we meet. We start talking and become friends right away. After hanging out a couple times, we realize our true feelings and live happily ever after. Or something like that. I'm not even really a romantic person at all, but when it comes to how I meet my future partner, I have unreasonably high expectations.

When you're talking to someone through an app, you can't tell if they're even being genuine or not. Without seeing them, you really have no idea who you could be talking to. Not only that, but by texting before you even meet, there's all of this awkward build-up. For someone like me, who's already awkward to begin with, that's kind of a nightmare.

It's fun to wonder what was it like when meeting someone out in real life was your only option. And, even when you did meet someone you liked, you really had to make the effort to see them again. Once you did get the chance to see them again, you had to cherish every moment (you couldn't just text them when you got home).

Meeting someone on an app is probably a lot easier than waiting for the right person to show up in real life, but for me, it's just worth it. It wouldn't be authentic for me to meet anyone that way, so why would I want to? Just because something's popular, doesn't mean it's right for you. Live your life the way you want to live it and don't let society or anyone else tell you otherwise.

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  • I've met some of my closest friends online (non-intentional). Also, the meet up wasn't awkward because we had talked for years, I even knew once seeming them at the meet up spot, that it was them before they saw me. I think it really depends on the person, you as a person, etc. I think it's great meeting people in general. Great article, you make some great points.

    • Sarah Urbanic 4 years ago

      You're right, meeting friends online is different than meeting someone that you barely know in prospects of potentially dating them. Thank you for enjoying the post, it was more just a stream of consciousness than anything to be taken too seriously. I appreciate your feedback :)

  • Tomas Chough 4 years ago

    Live your life the way you want to live it and don’t let society or anyone else tell you otherwise.
    This is the ideal! We care way too much about stuff everyone else does. Great one Sarah!

  • Mary Jaimes-Serrano 4 years ago

    Sarah, this is a great piece. I have to agree with you that dating apps can be a nightmare. I personally have never met anyone this way. However, I have dealt with this misleadings and often outright lies that seem to go rampant on social media sites. I truly miss the time when writing a poem to the person you liked was courting and proper. Thank you for sharing. Have a wonderful day.

    • Sarah Urbanic 4 years ago

      I'm so glad someone feels the same way! I feel like everyone is meeting online these days and I just wanted to express my frustration about it all. Thank you so much for your feedback :)

  • Miranda Fotia 3 years, 12 months ago

    Great piece! Apps really do take the romance of fate and destiny out of the equation. The actual art of human connection gets lost the more we rely on our phones for entertainment and companionship.

    • Sarah Urbanic 3 years, 12 months ago

      So true! I've been trying to stay off of my phone as much as possible, but it's truly become an addiction in some way. It's a little scary to think about what it's all leading to.

  • Nina Appasamy 3 years, 11 months ago

    I relate so much to this post. I recently went on Tinder for the first time in two years. I've never used it seriously, just out of curiosity because I always feel awkward swiping, whether right or left. It feels too much like I'm judging a book by its cover. It takes so long to truly get to know someone in real life, that it's practically impossible to even know a fraction of a person's depth or realness (I can't think of a better word at the moment) through messages and pictures on the Internet. That said, I actually do know some people who met their long-term partners/spouses on the Internet, and I have also met a number of people online who are now friends I spend time with in my real life. I guess it depends upon the person and the situation, but I do completely understand your reasoning, especially with dating apps (which often feel like people-shopping apps rather than forums to begin romances). Sorry for my long comment!

    • Sarah Urbanic 3 years, 11 months ago

      So glad to have your feedback :) I definitely think that dating apps might be for some people, but I've just always been so uncomfortable with them, personally.

  • Cheryl Krause 3 years, 10 months ago

    I'm boycotting dating apps too. It's not hard, my hubby frowns on dating :o) Seriously, as someone who married back when we still used punch cards to input data I think the whole app thing has made the process of finding your life's mate much harder. Instead of depending on yourself, you depend on technology. Glad to see you bucking the trend. You'll find someone to love while doing the things you love. Just don't give up hope and don't settle for Mr. Wrong

  • Ceara 3 years, 7 months ago

    I feel very similarly to you about dating apps. While they work for some, they didn't for me! I tried them and gave up because I realized I didn't like the ambiguity of them. Thanks for sharing!

    • Sarah Urbanic 3 years, 7 months ago

      Thanks for your comment! I’m a huge hypocrite and recently did try some online dating, which I’m about to post a piece about, so feel free to check that out too :)

  • Rick Doble 3 years, 5 months ago

    It wouldn't be authentic for me to meet anyone that way,
    You said the key word "authentic" -- love and dating has to feel right or something is wrong and the relationship will probably be wrong.

  • Jackie Hemingway 6 months, 1 week ago

    Sarah, your wondering about the dating habits of the past, or the old days as some of you that are younger may call it…compared to today — IT WAS A BLAST!! It was the best way to meet people, whether it was for friendship or dating, it was the best! No cell phones, no computers, no apps — that is what we called appetizers we ordered before dinner! Just you being you and meeting other people where they were and the agony and sweating of trying to come up with something fun, witty or conversational to get to know each other. You had to actually use your brain, come up with a way to show this person you liked them or wanted to be friends. No 😁🤪😢 and hit send without so much as getting writers cramp!! Today is a very different world, and it’s not one I feel has gotten better, in a lot of ways, than the ‘old days’…geez, could I really be old now? I will always prefer face to face, if I cannot do that then I prefer talking on the phone (there’s a new concept) versus texting and apps. So many generations often feel the one before the one they are in was better, for me, I definitely feel I grew up in the better generation than the one we have today. If I could live the 60’s, 70’s, and early 80’s forever…that would be truly awesome!!