Submitted Date 02/04/2024

Part 1

I don't like who I become when I fall in love

My shadow consumes me, has me for breakfast, lunch and dinner

The wind spins in cycles instead of swaying left to right

The adrenaline flowing through my veins hits me like it's acid,

The concentrate is no different


My heart skips a beat,

Multiple beats and all of a sudden its a master at Double Dutch

As I lay on this slumped hospital bed

With not enough pillows to cushion everything that aches

As I have slimy and crooked psychiatrist after slimy and crooked psychiatrist

interrogate me more aggressively than they should

I think back to all the hours of sleep that I lose to you

And to be honest

I'm not entirely talking about a girl

Fumbling, tumbling and tripping in a drwan-out state of delirium

As my vision blurs, the Northern Lights visualizes in front of my very eyes

Might as well be on acid



Part 2

Don't hate the player, hate the game

But if you've ever played the game

You know what goes on

What you lose

What I've lost, it's all the same

Lost a lot of love

Lost a lot more hope and sanity

Struck out too many times

There's not enough to go around

I refuse to fight for scraps

And I refuse to have my heart eaten

for dinner tonight

I don't want to stop feeling

It comforts me to know that my heart stil beats

Donate as much as blood as you want

There's no escaping your own flesh

There's no ability to print another uniform


I don't want to crash

I need to remain on my feet

But when I reach those highs, imagine

a baby playing Peek-A-Boo with his mother, and when he or she opens its eyes for the last time

it's handed the golden ticket

But when I reach those lows

There's no ladder that I can climb to get back up

above surface


It's not like any of those things would eliminate the self-doubt

and the sharp blade of rejection

You'll keep writing the same lines, over and over again on the chalkboard

of your mind

We are our own worst critic


I just want the invisible hand to loosen its grip over me

I do not like who I become when I fall in love

But I don't like who I become when I'm angry, sad, frustrated, dissapointed or frightened


This situation is a lose-lose all the way around

Can the powers that be spare love to me, like a dog that sips the water from its very special



When I fall in love

I can't manage much, neither in the macro or micro

I'm a utter mess

But all I know how to do is project


I want the invisible hand to let go of me

Loose me, I rebuke you now indeed!

The one that brings me to my knees

and makes me a slave to impluses and

temptations greater than cake, porn, vapes,

weed, alcohol, sex, any and all of the Seven Deadly

Sins, etc.

Greater than be almighty be


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